So how does one find their own personal values? Where can you start?

A lot of what we do in coaching is helping people identify these values and start using them to guide what feels right in life.

If you don’t know what your values are, you are not alone!

In fact, to date I have only had one client who was able to name more than two of their values straight off when we start coaching.

The simple way to start is by looking at a list of values and seeing which of the words resonate with you. When I say resonate, I mean you feel something positive in your body, it is generally more a feeling than a thought, i.e. you need to listen to the core of you, your instinct. Again, a lot of people find this difficult to tune in to; however just because you may have learnt to tune it out or not trust it, does not mean it is not there. It is!

Just sit quietly and listen.

The kind of questions to ask yourself are:

This is where you begin to see that you are the same person with the same core values no matter if you are at work, at home, out with friends! Your values may show up in different ways, but they are still there. This is often why leaders who pretend they are someone else when they walk in the door at work and do not honour their values end up feeling stressed because they are not being true to themselves. There may always be things we see that we ‘need’ to do but as soon as we say that we are not leaning into our values but, probably dishonouring them in some way.

It is your saboteur talking when you say I need/ must/ should/ ought to…. I say “generally” because there are always exceptions to this as in fact your values can sometimes contradict one another. In these cases, it is very useful to know which ones are your strongest.

So, going back to your list of ten personal values, the next step is to put them into a priority list. Again, don’t think too much about this just listen to your instinct, it is not a maths test at school and will not be perfect but just give it a go.

Look at the top three and go back to the questions above and check they are roughly correct. If they are, then try and live into these values and see how it feels. When you have decisions to make think of these values and see how they inform that decision and then how you feel once you make that decision.

It can be useful to have some simple tools to help you think more often about these values and get more conscious about the role they are playing. It is like building a muscle or starting a new habit you need to consciously choose to invest in it and remind yourself otherwise it cannot help.

Ideas for tools are listed below but use whatever is fun/ interesting to you and fits with your life: